People are too stupid or stubborn for me to have it be worth it to explain any problems.  I wonder what they'll do to me for saying this on my blog.  😅

Also, there are too many.

I'm not here to negotiate with these animals all the time!

People are beating me because of that girl that comes here.

The people monitoring me in private claim to follow Ellen DeGeneres supposedly trying to make me feel duped and flattened out to be calm like I'm in trouble, just because I was upset about her putting hurtful, illegal noises in my room, it seems.

There's this lady who comes to watch over at the group home that keeps bothering me because once I might have felt upset with her being mean like I'm being a bad person.

The people monitoring me in private think they have to make problems to make a statement and if I get over it chase after me so it really was for nothing at all.

So, to state a fact, the people monitoring me in private are sometimes or too often making up things just to take time and have nothing to say.  I don't want it to get worse just because I said that "didn't work."

Why are the people monitoring me in private lingering on stupid things that I reject?  It's like an animal attacking me.

I don't really matter, according to what they do.  They aren't fixing it, neither, probably making it worse and disturbing me, "for now."

The people monitoring me in private keep acting like I did something wrong and like I'm close to them etc.

They think we're close and I'm shit as a person, but normal people don't think that of me.  They hurt me for my private thoughts.  They might do something stupid like hurt the lady for it now "because I said this."  Some people don't know where they aren't wanted.

The people monitoring me in private are a problem as people.  I can't think what I want.  They say they are a fat Italian.  They want to think simply and hurt me.  I'll find I am more retarded.

Sometimes, the people monitoring me in private have something going because they said I suggested it and then just keep doing it.

It wasn't even a big deal in that way.

I'm being hurt for it, too, and damaged.

I think they're upset for no reason in a way that's obvious, and I don't know who made it this way and maybe they don't, neither.

I didn't do anything wrong, and the whole world is selfishly fresh with me, except for "the upper echelon."

Are my present problems all the antics and "stubbornness" of the guise of the people monitoring me in private?

Did you know the people monitoring me in private made up / pretended that I had an issue saying things and then saying I don't mean them, so if I think that they get really mad?

This maybe English-Australian lady thinks I shouldn't have a "relationship" I'm supposedly supposed to have with a a Late Baby Boomer European lady.  English people can do trash, it seems.

I wonder really why when I don't want to do the things they don't want me to I feel tackily manipulated.  I have been recalling I am upset my dad ordered this when I got upset on my blog about my life being ruined..

It seems Cleveland is considered special and I'm under the mercy of superficial rules of my personal thoughts.  I wouldn't want to hurt anyone.  I do feel vulnerable, though, so I will feel "down" and frustrated.  It seems I need to move around if I'm alone, and I need to get away and rest if I'm with people, if I want to stop getting in trouble with the people monitoring me in private for my private thoughts.  I honestly think it's unfortunately involved in something, possibly, with either something alien or something "divine."   (I'm posting that last sentence on my blog.)

So, I think I'm still pretty mad at the sharp turn that must have been taken at some point saying to myself I won't do something bad to someone, a certain word, when I get mad, so I don't think that I will because the people monitoring me in private think it will help not to say it.  I saw a vision of someone like rewiring my brain to think it when mad and I have maybe every day since, in the form I mentioned at least moreso of later times or more lately.  So, I'm upset probably it was okay at first and then it wasn't, to think I won't do it, too.  It doesn't really matter.  I think it's criminal and a sin to act like I can't even think of a curse word and to torment me and ruin my life for it.  So, I usually process ... "the truth."

I feel I was told a talk show host feels a desire to kill people if they are too nice to me if they keep doing it, after the people monitoring me in private got mad I hated their possibly worthless picking on me, often envisioning what the talk show host would desire me to suffer.

Supposedly, this maybe English-Australian lady who conducts a choir at an ally boys school by Sydney is said to be dangerous and just say I need a worse fate when they pick on me like they have a reason to like this and still in ways.

So, like, I noticed...

...they "had" to get to me without me being prepared to be nice and understand and feel hurt and thinking some bad words by accident, and it happened throughout the day.  Now, I'm in big trouble with them.

The people monitoring me in private think I meant something bad and hurtful and mean against a Late Baby Boomer European lady I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with.  I didn't.  People have been acting like everything is her fault, so it just finally became a critical problem.

They made it so I couldn't check myself and hurt me and of course the blame was going to her.  I caught something when I still lived in Orlando where it seems like I thought it was her but didn't mean it.  It doesn't "go away..."

Now, the people monitoring me in private think they're all drama like they're everything and all that and I deal with their "trash."

I also see that these things are said not to matter but later are said to be true and not just wandering thoughts.

I seem to be avalanching from some people, too.

They keep acting like my old choir director / organ teacher is saying my dad's youngest sister's daughter's oldest son is being rubbed into me in a bad way and saying I'm nothing.  Perverted, too, huh?  They ruined my body, in ways, doing this.  I was attacked with people using her, too, and she knows I was thinking something jokingly, though I didn't tell her.  She did things, too, eventually.  I honestly don't remember the order.

Other things are also going on...  Like, I showed physical signs of anger in some proximity to the Late Baby Boomer European lady I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with, and supposedly it's over, for me, sometimes like she didn't want me, anyway, but because of this.  It's like I'm no longer permitted to have the "relationship."  I was made fun of like "a hoot and a holler" that my age is not in sync in "sex" with her because it's only for Late Baby Boomers, and the younger people are all either too old to be their kids or too young to be their kids.

Who knows what else has gone on?

This boy in the group home is bothering me too much watching me and reacting to my every move.  He's Black, has an accent.  He's heavyset and has a hard time talking.

The people monitoring me in private have problems, like I'm right there and they attest I'm just another person and freak out about Late Baby Boomers.

They also seem to threaten they will ruin a Late Baby Boomer European lady I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with if I say something is hurting me, like to say they need to just test her and ruin her in the process.

The people monitoring me in private are supposedly the ones making a big deal about any little inkling or a characteristic "attitude."  I think they are merely copying my parents's shortcomings, but I am fine,

So, they are monitoring me in private and being mean.

It is easier for anyone to get their thoughts out in writing or typing etc.

I don't even care if it were true, those people are *beep* to tell me the lady has a problem with me.

They don't care I hear them insulting me maybe how the page on the internet loads.  They start off when I stop paying attention and can't get it out of my head.

This seems dangerous, like the lady was ruined for me.

They sometimes ruin how I feel in physical parts etc.

Why am I wasting my time?

Why do I keep hearing them inappropriately stimulating the lady?

This shit of Cleveland is world interest. I guess it wasn't just Orlando.

I meet cool people and they won't accept I'm a good person.

I don't need the *beep* of East Cleveland pretending to have a brain and dictate my life and lie to me about the lady.

They just come here to pick at stupid things like at least they didn't kill me.

They have nothing to offer as a person, just saying I need to be monitored like something is wrong with me when I got good grades and behavior.  Really!  They think all these good things I hoped for I don't deserve.  They ruined my life.  They hate I exist.

This is going too far, I can't ever post it all, at least not all the details.

They think I did something and said they  ruined the lady, now.  People just can't stop picking at her, and it's over for me for a pathetic reason.  It's like I'm selfish, but I'm accomplished.  I'm a nice, good person.  People make up shit to ruin my day, every day..

People can't find a solution for my life, like I'm punished, when I also haven't done anything wrong.  I'm stuck in a group home without enough food or money..  I can't eat what I like.  I've been trying to go for a job, but some say to do it and some get angry and say not to, like relatives.

The people monitoring me in private don't care about the circumstance, just blame me for not always being in 1 mood.

The landlady thinks it's okay she didn't tell me someone would move in.  I'm not like forgiving and tolerating, cowering down.

People go stupid if I talk of how mean they are to me and if in any "power" make it worse.

They are inconvenient saying I'm bad and think I succumbed.

They just take what the lady does and pick at it to give her more "sex" and ruin it for me, in such a way.

It's like they turned her into a "sex" object and like she's nothing to anyone.  They are just mad they aren't still kids.

They think I should forgive them like it's my fault and they're mad I said it.  Nothing wrong with talking..

People keep acting like, "Hey, this doesn't matter. I don't get it."

So, it's like it's over for me and they are ruining it for me.

I can't do anything I want with people following me around saying the lady is over and doesn't care.  It's like one answer could be it was never for me because I was bad..

They're just sitting there like maybe it's true, and the lady says she has to "go along with the crowd."

They keep saying more mean things.

Well

People outside are acting like the lady is getting inappropriately stimulated and she's lost from me.  It's as though it's the first time and they're losing it.  They are still making fun of me like I want it.  They think that the only accomplishment is to say nothing and accept things.

...

People keep wasting my life joking, and now it could be over in many ways..

A new roommate is moving in with me, and everyone is acting like a Late Baby Boomer European lady I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with did it, and I heard she really had nothing to offer yet took over my underground fame but also got all this "sex" from the world all the time.  I even caught wind of an outbreak that she doesn't care about me and the journey I was put on led to nothing but so for others but also that it's like I'm bad and didn't deserve it.  Oh, before, I though I would still have my own room, in the group home, and I didn't even want to sleep in the same bed as if I had a husband or share a room.

So, I wasn't warned of things that supposedly got in the way, with this supposed "relationship."

So, I'm fed up, I am not 100% sure of why but know there is potential, and people keep hating on me, like I don't matter.

They keep focusing on her and I suffer, like she is always about to die.

...

I'm always faced with adversity.  My dad supposedly started it.  The people monitoring me in private don't care/anymore.  They think they are owed everything, when they had ruined my life and blamed me, when clearly it was not me.

A boy in the group home acts like he's out to get me.  I live with Black people.

He just follows my every move and tries to affect me.

I'm done with group homes.  This was shit.  I won't take those boys bossing me around.

I found the people involved monitoring me in private are throwing me more problems for no reason just to make me dysfunctional and live a life in general of shit.

The people outside keep saying this lady ruined my life.  Well, they're going crazy, and they caused the problem, this is not about them.  They just want me to feel uneasy about the lady so she can torture me, more than I am.

I keep getting in trouble for posting here.

I'll really be in a situation, and people will take the time to rub it in each time as a topic in general and act like I'm shit like they're badass from the 80s and early 90s.

I know, I get caught up in details until they get mad I think of a bad word by accident.

Anyone can spout anything at me and me be affected and held accountable.

Whatever makes the people monitoring me in private uneasy turns into a war.

They want me to have inappropriate feelings with others.

They are getting personal punishing me for no reason.

Every time I hear something, the people monitoring me in private punish me.

At the time, it comes to that I "don't need it," people inflict.

I end up on the bad side for off topic reasons.

The cars outside say stuff I wouldn't know otherwise.

I am not that mad at people like that lady.

People like to act like the lady did it.  It always leads there with their jagged-y eb and flow.

People outside are freaking out like they have a problem when they cause it.

It's wrong to do this to anyone, and they seem to be goofing off bothering me while others are elevated over me by them or others.

I feel in trouble more for posting here and it seems worthless to think I can do anything.

They don't know what I should do if so upset and bothered.  My therapist said to get up and leave the room.. but they're still there, even with earplugs/earphones.

They're throwing my life away, like this is it.

They keep attacking me, and the police must know.

I mean just think they actually did it, whatever the reason.

They actually said they hurt the lady too for something they didn't like I did, that showing some physical anger when in private.

People think they will be okay if they are bad but act like I am.

They keep acting awkward about me in private.

I don't have money nor much space for a punching bag, so how can I healthily release anger physically, either in private when I'm not mad, when I'm mad in private, and what to do in public?  No one just has no.

I don't have enough money for food, so I may not get as much violin practicing done, napped today, wakes up people at night, so I'm upset.

I wonder if I need to call churches for free food, I get a list but not always there and food not so great.  I've not wanted to be out so much lately.  I may have to only walk to churches to get it, too, since bus passes are expensive and I didn't get my government money appealed for more back yet.

I figured I was naturally not feeling well for awhile, and they wanted to do it on purpose.

I can't believe no one has helped me out and my government money reduced for no reason without the appeal process first to prevent it.

"I think they're 'ghey.'"

They're being especially mean to me.

I've had some physical effect.  I don't feel much.  😔

Follow the Leader

Since they're not doing anything apparent, maybe we should sometimes just sit with this and talk how stupid it is so they can't alter our thinking in bad ways and be affected.  So far, I've been able to turn it off and ignore other people for the most part, but I'm just sitting in my room hearing what's outside, with my earphones on with classical piano music.

In bad ways that she might not like, people are just focusing on somehow ruining it for me with a Late Baby Boomer European lady I'm supposedly supposed to have a relationship with and inappropriately and incessantly trying to get at her and inappropriately stimulate her.

I think they are hell bent to ruin my life, if I think I can ever feel okay, when I'm not upset or after.

I already know I don't want to leave my room and go downstairs and run into the boys in the group home.  The nicest one is leaving November 1st, and I wanted to, too.  I think the stress has gotten to me.  I was upset and may have skipped my morning meds.

People are being suggestive to me because I nicely used information to make a point.

The side of the maybe English-Australian lady is getting more intelligent saying if I just ignore people being mean to me she's going along with me like I'm shit..

They would be waiting for me to solve a problem when none exists, like the fear of getting upset and possibly leading to some physical reaction, however small and even if in private or because in private.

I've also strongly established that people are doing this innocently trying to get me to react physically or think of a bad word so they can punish me every day.

When I am proud I'm good with no physical anger in private, they get hysterical and obnoxious and seem "brainless" and think what shit are we here for?  Well, it might have been a valid point.

I can't stand when they give me punishment for feeling upset at what others did simply for an extended period of focus and reason.

Also, sometimes I forget it's okay when I'm listening to them and when I think for people to stop they don't.

I guess this is important, after all, though it is really bad to do to anyone.  That really gets in my way, should I report this?  It's like when I went to the mental hospital, the police already damn know and don't care.  My old violin teacher from Poland talked to friends/family on the phone, and they said it is so dangerous in the middle of German and run by Muslims that it's so dangerous the police won't come to help you.

I don't feel like doing anything.  I have to take a shower, practice, study sometime, I was napping today and wanted to go back.

Is it worth worrying over the problems they have with me?  I don't like how they say it, what to do, when they should know they are wrong.  Only me.

So, I was picked on a lot after agreeing to something mature and hard to accept.

I think it is their own ruin and lies that it's okay.

I don't know if I know of anyone who prides themselves in never having any physical reaction when mad ever.  So, what can I do?  I can't call it off and I don't really want to... you know, with people like that lady.  So, what?  Also, I don't want it to get worse for me.

They keep getting mad if I post here or not.

They just keep making fun of me.  They are being "stupid" all the time.  They are out of control.  They have no point.  They are being so "stupid."  I say something, and they crush me like they are big and "stupid."

I said it!  They just act big and "stupid" if I post my problems online and I get much more sometimes, in the end, as a trick to be on bad behavior sometimes but not all, to build suspense.

They might do something really bad because I reacted physically in private in anger.

I'm sorry, but I've been typing this shit all day and the cars outside keep having something fresh to say.  They are out of control.

They keep getting mad if I show any physical anger in private, like my aunt said, whose off.

They have it on I was upset physically a bit that it's forever shit mathematically and for the lady somehow.

So, just because I nicely said how they said she might have said/done something mean to me.

They keep making fun of me and trashing what I say.

My dad ruined my life.