So, I think I'm still pretty mad at the sharp turn that must have been taken at some point saying to myself I won't do something bad to someone, a certain word, when I get mad, so I don't think that I will because the people monitoring me in private think it will help not to say it.  I saw a vision of someone like rewiring my brain to think it when mad and I have maybe every day since, in the form I mentioned at least moreso of later times or more lately.  So, I'm upset probably it was okay at first and then it wasn't, to think I won't do it, too.  It doesn't really matter.  I think it's criminal and a sin to act like I can't even think of a curse word and to torment me and ruin my life for it.  So, I usually process ... "the truth."