Did you know the people monitoring me in private made up / pretended that I had an issue saying things and then saying I don't mean them, so if I think that they get really mad?

This maybe English-Australian lady thinks I shouldn't have a "relationship" I'm supposedly supposed to have with a a Late Baby Boomer European lady.  English people can do trash, it seems.

I wonder really why when I don't want to do the things they don't want me to I feel tackily manipulated.  I have been recalling I am upset my dad ordered this when I got upset on my blog about my life being ruined..

It seems Cleveland is considered special and I'm under the mercy of superficial rules of my personal thoughts.  I wouldn't want to hurt anyone.  I do feel vulnerable, though, so I will feel "down" and frustrated.  It seems I need to move around if I'm alone, and I need to get away and rest if I'm with people, if I want to stop getting in trouble with the people monitoring me in private for my private thoughts.  I honestly think it's unfortunately involved in something, possibly, with either something alien or something "divine."   (I'm posting that last sentence on my blog.)

So, I think I'm still pretty mad at the sharp turn that must have been taken at some point saying to myself I won't do something bad to someone, a certain word, when I get mad, so I don't think that I will because the people monitoring me in private think it will help not to say it.  I saw a vision of someone like rewiring my brain to think it when mad and I have maybe every day since, in the form I mentioned at least moreso of later times or more lately.  So, I'm upset probably it was okay at first and then it wasn't, to think I won't do it, too.  It doesn't really matter.  I think it's criminal and a sin to act like I can't even think of a curse word and to torment me and ruin my life for it.  So, I usually process ... "the truth."

I feel I was told a talk show host feels a desire to kill people if they are too nice to me if they keep doing it, after the people monitoring me in private got mad I hated their possibly worthless picking on me, often envisioning what the talk show host would desire me to suffer.

Supposedly, this maybe English-Australian lady who conducts a choir at an ally boys school by Sydney is said to be dangerous and just say I need a worse fate when they pick on me like they have a reason to like this and still in ways.