The people monitoring me in private think they have to make problems to make a statement and if I get over it chase after me so it really was for nothing at all.

So, to state a fact, the people monitoring me in private are sometimes or too often making up things just to take time and have nothing to say.  I don't want it to get worse just because I said that "didn't work."

Why are the people monitoring me in private lingering on stupid things that I reject?  It's like an animal attacking me.

I don't really matter, according to what they do.  They aren't fixing it, neither, probably making it worse and disturbing me, "for now."

The people monitoring me in private keep acting like I did something wrong and like I'm close to them etc.

They think we're close and I'm shit as a person, but normal people don't think that of me.  They hurt me for my private thoughts.  They might do something stupid like hurt the lady for it now "because I said this."  Some people don't know where they aren't wanted.

The people monitoring me in private are a problem as people.  I can't think what I want.  They say they are a fat Italian.  They want to think simply and hurt me.  I'll find I am more retarded.

Sometimes, the people monitoring me in private have something going because they said I suggested it and then just keep doing it.

It wasn't even a big deal in that way.

I'm being hurt for it, too, and damaged.

I think they're upset for no reason in a way that's obvious, and I don't know who made it this way and maybe they don't, neither.

I didn't do anything wrong, and the whole world is selfishly fresh with me, except for "the upper echelon."

Are my present problems all the antics and "stubbornness" of the guise of the people monitoring me in private?

Did you know the people monitoring me in private made up / pretended that I had an issue saying things and then saying I don't mean them, so if I think that they get really mad?

This maybe English-Australian lady thinks I shouldn't have a "relationship" I'm supposedly supposed to have with a a Late Baby Boomer European lady.  English people can do trash, it seems.

I wonder really why when I don't want to do the things they don't want me to I feel tackily manipulated.  I have been recalling I am upset my dad ordered this when I got upset on my blog about my life being ruined..

It seems Cleveland is considered special and I'm under the mercy of superficial rules of my personal thoughts.  I wouldn't want to hurt anyone.  I do feel vulnerable, though, so I will feel "down" and frustrated.  It seems I need to move around if I'm alone, and I need to get away and rest if I'm with people, if I want to stop getting in trouble with the people monitoring me in private for my private thoughts.  I honestly think it's unfortunately involved in something, possibly, with either something alien or something "divine."   (I'm posting that last sentence on my blog.)

So, I think I'm still pretty mad at the sharp turn that must have been taken at some point saying to myself I won't do something bad to someone, a certain word, when I get mad, so I don't think that I will because the people monitoring me in private think it will help not to say it.  I saw a vision of someone like rewiring my brain to think it when mad and I have maybe every day since, in the form I mentioned at least moreso of later times or more lately.  So, I'm upset probably it was okay at first and then it wasn't, to think I won't do it, too.  It doesn't really matter.  I think it's criminal and a sin to act like I can't even think of a curse word and to torment me and ruin my life for it.  So, I usually process ... "the truth."

I feel I was told a talk show host feels a desire to kill people if they are too nice to me if they keep doing it, after the people monitoring me in private got mad I hated their possibly worthless picking on me, often envisioning what the talk show host would desire me to suffer.

Supposedly, this maybe English-Australian lady who conducts a choir at an ally boys school by Sydney is said to be dangerous and just say I need a worse fate when they pick on me like they have a reason to like this and still in ways.

So, like, I noticed...

...they "had" to get to me without me being prepared to be nice and understand and feel hurt and thinking some bad words by accident, and it happened throughout the day.  Now, I'm in big trouble with them.

The people monitoring me in private think I meant something bad and hurtful and mean against a Late Baby Boomer European lady I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with.  I didn't.  People have been acting like everything is her fault, so it just finally became a critical problem.

They made it so I couldn't check myself and hurt me and of course the blame was going to her.  I caught something when I still lived in Orlando where it seems like I thought it was her but didn't mean it.  It doesn't "go away..."

Now, the people monitoring me in private think they're all drama like they're everything and all that and I deal with their "trash."

I also see that these things are said not to matter but later are said to be true and not just wandering thoughts.

I seem to be avalanching from some people, too.

They keep acting like my old choir director / organ teacher is saying my dad's youngest sister's daughter's oldest son is being rubbed into me in a bad way and saying I'm nothing.  Perverted, too, huh?  They ruined my body, in ways, doing this.  I was attacked with people using her, too, and she knows I was thinking something jokingly, though I didn't tell her.  She did things, too, eventually.  I honestly don't remember the order.

Other things are also going on...  Like, I showed physical signs of anger in some proximity to the Late Baby Boomer European lady I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with, and supposedly it's over, for me, sometimes like she didn't want me, anyway, but because of this.  It's like I'm no longer permitted to have the "relationship."  I was made fun of like "a hoot and a holler" that my age is not in sync in "sex" with her because it's only for Late Baby Boomers, and the younger people are all either too old to be their kids or too young to be their kids.

Who knows what else has gone on?

This boy in the group home is bothering me too much watching me and reacting to my every move.  He's Black, has an accent.  He's heavyset and has a hard time talking.

The people monitoring me in private have problems, like I'm right there and they attest I'm just another person and freak out about Late Baby Boomers.

They also seem to threaten they will ruin a Late Baby Boomer European lady I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with if I say something is hurting me, like to say they need to just test her and ruin her in the process.

The people monitoring me in private are supposedly the ones making a big deal about any little inkling or a characteristic "attitude."  I think they are merely copying my parents's shortcomings, but I am fine,

So, they are monitoring me in private and being mean.

It is easier for anyone to get their thoughts out in writing or typing etc.

I don't even care if it were true, those people are *beep* to tell me the lady has a problem with me.

They don't care I hear them insulting me maybe how the page on the internet loads.  They start off when I stop paying attention and can't get it out of my head.

This seems dangerous, like the lady was ruined for me.

They sometimes ruin how I feel in physical parts etc.

Why am I wasting my time?

Why do I keep hearing them inappropriately stimulating the lady?

This shit of Cleveland is world interest. I guess it wasn't just Orlando.

I meet cool people and they won't accept I'm a good person.

I don't need the *beep* of East Cleveland pretending to have a brain and dictate my life and lie to me about the lady.

They just come here to pick at stupid things like at least they didn't kill me.

They have nothing to offer as a person, just saying I need to be monitored like something is wrong with me when I got good grades and behavior.  Really!  They think all these good things I hoped for I don't deserve.  They ruined my life.  They hate I exist.

This is going too far, I can't ever post it all, at least not all the details.

They think I did something and said they  ruined the lady, now.  People just can't stop picking at her, and it's over for me for a pathetic reason.  It's like I'm selfish, but I'm accomplished.  I'm a nice, good person.  People make up shit to ruin my day, every day..

People can't find a solution for my life, like I'm punished, when I also haven't done anything wrong.  I'm stuck in a group home without enough food or money..  I can't eat what I like.  I've been trying to go for a job, but some say to do it and some get angry and say not to, like relatives.

The people monitoring me in private don't care about the circumstance, just blame me for not always being in 1 mood.

The landlady thinks it's okay she didn't tell me someone would move in.  I'm not like forgiving and tolerating, cowering down.

People go stupid if I talk of how mean they are to me and if in any "power" make it worse.

They are inconvenient saying I'm bad and think I succumbed.

They just take what the lady does and pick at it to give her more "sex" and ruin it for me, in such a way.

It's like they turned her into a "sex" object and like she's nothing to anyone.  They are just mad they aren't still kids.

They think I should forgive them like it's my fault and they're mad I said it.  Nothing wrong with talking..

People keep acting like, "Hey, this doesn't matter. I don't get it."

So, it's like it's over for me and they are ruining it for me.

I can't do anything I want with people following me around saying the lady is over and doesn't care.  It's like one answer could be it was never for me because I was bad..

They're just sitting there like maybe it's true, and the lady says she has to "go along with the crowd."

They keep saying more mean things.

Well

People outside are acting like the lady is getting inappropriately stimulated and she's lost from me.  It's as though it's the first time and they're losing it.  They are still making fun of me like I want it.  They think that the only accomplishment is to say nothing and accept things.

...

People keep wasting my life joking, and now it could be over in many ways..

A new roommate is moving in with me, and everyone is acting like a Late Baby Boomer European lady I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with did it, and I heard she really had nothing to offer yet took over my underground fame but also got all this "sex" from the world all the time.  I even caught wind of an outbreak that she doesn't care about me and the journey I was put on led to nothing but so for others but also that it's like I'm bad and didn't deserve it.  Oh, before, I though I would still have my own room, in the group home, and I didn't even want to sleep in the same bed as if I had a husband or share a room.

So, I wasn't warned of things that supposedly got in the way, with this supposed "relationship."

So, I'm fed up, I am not 100% sure of why but know there is potential, and people keep hating on me, like I don't matter.

They keep focusing on her and I suffer, like she is always about to die.

...

I'm always faced with adversity.  My dad supposedly started it.  The people monitoring me in private don't care/anymore.  They think they are owed everything, when they had ruined my life and blamed me, when clearly it was not me.